"...in the next few min...I would have failed two of my goals..."

This week has been frigging omg...I can't even think straight now,got so many things running through my head at the same time,so many things I have to decide on,so many times I taste defeat...

And when I thought tmr would be a better day...it god freaking worse!I mean...it's not even one quater of the year and i've been in this much shit...how much of it am I gonna recieve?!taboleh tahan la,I knew this year would be damn hard but I never expected it to be that hard.there's only so much of ass washing with a cup I wanna do!

Like...here's an example(assume it is untrue cos it is...this e.g does not refer to anyone,even if the story maybe similar to that person.any negative thoughts caused is deeply regretted): you guys think that you don't want to attend "it" cos you people have other 'piorities' based on factors that include yourself in it.And me myself,rush my ass there on a weekly basis and attend without fail.I made many sacrifices financially,physically and mentally.but when I see what's happening around me...I think to myself "other than god,what am I doing this for?I might as well be like them." it's really sad...when I see all this things happening it really breaks my heart...

There are also times when I try to help,but got ignored...
There are times when I tried my best,but got criticized for my efforts...
There are times when I saw light...but darkness was given out from others and it blocked my heart...
There are times when I extended my hand...but you just pushed me away...
There are times I wanted to have a strong heart...but it broke in an instant when troubles came by...this is the sad and unfair world we live in...

All this "things/examples" I said,at least on of them is true or is infact happening right now in your life.My life,personally is now you can say, in a 'mess' but the thing,the driving force behind my every intention is you.'You' may not only refer to people,god or friends...but It can be many other things that are important in your life...

So when you feel like giving up,when you feel rejected,when you feel lost,when you felt betrayed(and the list goes on and on)...ask yourself what is the thing that drives your every intention,what is the thing made you held on,what is important in your life?

The reasons why we are deeply enraged with emotions mostly is not because of these factors,but what we think of them.

"...Everyone has their own battles and it is up to you in how you want to win it...it's always been you..."

Aww man...I damn worried abt tmr's match man.I really scared that i'll screw up the team,so tmr I have to score or help the team score!!!need to have faith...

Anway I realise after almost a month into the new year,everything seems to past us without is knowing.and I also realise that the possibility of achieving our goals are getting lesser and lesser each day.I don't know is it because we are too busy or cos we don't care.our first objective is just to get 5 lower sec,and now what we got is 0!I can't stand it to see people on a different mindset as the others.only some of us are willing to take the sacrifices and I think for me making this sacrifice will really be a HUGE one.

What happen to the spirit we have in our previous camps,has it all been of the past?I'm really worried for everyone including myself.

so this week what I've done not on purpose but just reflecting upon it,is simply not doing my time with god,throughout the week. And I felt something I've not tasted for 3months...FREEDOM.other than gathering at the foyer for qt,nothing else of the day was anything related to god and to me it felt pretty normal,I'm not saying I'm ok with this.but it's normal in a way that this are what other people are experiencing in their lives too,they leave god out of the majority of their time they have.so this 'freedom'was something that felt normal,and you may ask,if it's normal why is it freedom?
It's freedom in a sense that we are not conscientious in what we do,speak or behave and we are the ones called to be 'salt and light' of this world.if you could say that to god right now with a heart knowing you are one,I admire you and hope you will be an example to others.
If you say to god you are 'salt and light' of this world but you unconsciously say it and sins that you have done this week in sch are revealed to god.I really think you are a joke.no offence,but this is really how impt it is to be and act like a christian.

I also learned something in school today and that is:The Will of The Heart

Goals.this is the thing that most people have in their lives.goals are things that a person works towards to and without goals people work towards nothing.but out of these people who have goals,only few have achieved it.and for those others who did not achieve their goals there can be two choices:
-overcome discouragement that comes upon them and work harder by setting more goals
-remains discouraged and blame people,blame themselves,blame blame blame...

If you are a person without a will there will be no way for you to achieve your goals as the saying goes when there's a will there's a way.If anyone has set their sight on goals,in order to achieve it,they must be willing to go through hardship,willing to go through discouragements,willing to go through failiure and the list goes on and on...

You can't blame the people or anyone around you for not achieving your goals,because 100% of it should come from you and the other x% can be from anything that encourages you which is just a bonus.
Only YOU can decide your own fate

Haiz,tuesday is the day where it sucks the most in the week.

School was as usual,boring...somehow I need to have a interest in learning in order to achieve my goals.chapel was zzz could almost practically slp thru the whole thing,but I didn't:) so that's one thing to be happy about.Erms than ya,the rest of the day was pretty much ok.

After school I had to finish my (e)math hw that I owed mr ganesen.and while I was doing my work people were playing monopoly-.-sian....

After that I chionged back home,walking of cos,and saw the volleyball girls on the way,wished them gd luck in my mind and ya never looked back cos I realised the amount of time I have left before tuition.

Reached home,changed,took my other bag with my other stuff and headed out again.I knew that If I took bus I would be late,so I'm sacrificing my lunch money rme to take a cab.

Reached there,had tuition then I came back...tired like hell...then I remembered still got hw!!!I cried first then I started to do.do do do,do do do then along came my father and at that time I was doing my (a)math,so for fun,I went to ask him a question.in the end,got scolded because of(don't wanna know).it was pretty plain stupid but ya,I know I'm stupid so no choice...but I really hate the feeling of getting scolded,really makes you feel like dying.and when my father scolds,it's not a regular type of scolding but a scolding where you will understand If u were me.

Sometimes when I have a question,I would no longer dare to ask,cos I know I confirm will get scolded someway somehow.be it being careless,don't know how to do or wadever..I will just be scolded.haiz really dam sian...

~realizing what it is like without you by my side for a week.

Wow it's been a gazzillion years since I've posted anything on this blog!!!so I think it's time I revive this corpse and make it sexy again!haha thank you I know I'm stupid l,but not everyone is smart so I'm just one of them.

Anyway for this past few months life has really been at a very fast pace for me.there was christmas,then new year and now Chinese new year is on it's way!Celebrations...I always wondered why is there celebrations,isit to make people happy,let them feel aknowledge or maybe even just for the fun of it?I dunno...
Through the months,there were many problems tht came in my way too.problems with my own life,my friends,my new class,my family relationship,my weekly life and my spiritual life as well:( but somehow I know that I have grown.
So as I looked towards the future,all I see are waves of unpredictable things that are gonna happen this year,I don't know what might happen,but I know that as I get closer to god,he will give me a bigger boat to face this waves.
Ha...imagine if your life is relied on by just a sampan in the pacific ocean...